To the Next Girl You Kiss

I’m writing a letter to the next girl you kiss

1) i hope you let her hear what i have to say

if not i won't let you silence me like you’ve done before

2) I want her to know what she is getting herself into when she jumped into this

just like i did because i hit the pool floor and have the scars to prove it

3) i’ve painted your name between each of the wrinkles on my brain

and tucked my feelings away like the muffin top in my high waisted jeans

4) you used to tease me about how sometimes i’d get lost in the moment and i’d forget to open my eyes after we kissed

so i didn’t see it coming when you stole everything back

5) I should’ve known you were bad because you lied about me being your first kiss

6) you promised we’d get married in maui, then you lost your virginity to my best friend

7) we shared rings that said “always and forever” then you ripped them off the hands of time

and taught me forever doesn’t exist

8) Your hair reminded me of sunshine but now it looks like the light at the very end

9) even after being apart for two years we still talked and fought like it never ended

but then someone new would come along and i would be hidden

hidden like i was your diary

like i was your embarrassing back story

like i was your dirty magazines

i was an object to you

10) so i want to ask this new girl if she can still taste me lingering on your lips

10 times you said i love you

10 PM was when you’d call me to sing to me even though you were 2 hours away

may 10th, that’s the day you left, the first time

the second time was october 9th

then january 8th

then i left you for the last time september 7th

and now i just wish

I wish that I could put back the pieces

From that one broken bottle of beer

And that dwindling blanket

Every god damn song you sang

And how bad I wanted to just make you happy so let me say

1) I hope you treat your new girl right

and 2) i hope she doesn’t have to taste every lie that’s been dried to your lips

3) i have books full of every word you ever spoke to me

4) so i summarized it in this letter

so she wouldn’t have to waste her time feeling each paper cut from turning the pages

5) i’d rather sacrifice myself and my sanity then let her stumble into something she’s not ready for

6) i hope she knows i loved you

7) key word being loved

8) I hope she learns from this experience and that her wings don’t get clipped like mine did when you said you wanted to show me your world when your world is nothing but gravity

9) I know she’ll believe you when you say you love her, I just hope you believe you do too

10) i want her to forgive me but to understand why i seem like i don’t like her and I blocked her from all social media, because the internet is the one place i can’t hide from the fact you’ve moved on and i’m still learning to swallow butterflies when i see you smile

but i’m learning