To the Girl Who Deserves Better...

YOU DESERVE BETTER.

Do I? What is the weighing scale of how much one is worthy of? Because I do not think I deserve a man who fights for me after going back to the individual who left me in the dust without once looking in the rearview mirror. And I do not think I deserve a man who looks at me like a million dollar painting in a fancy museum when I do not even have the courage to face my flaws in the bathroom mirror. And I do not think I deserve a man who gives me his all when I was so willing to let someone take my all before it was earned.

So what do I deserve? Because I do not want to believe that every female is born with the womanly right to the best solely because she is a she. I do not stand here with my hands out with an empty plate. Where is the merit system that knocks my invisible pin down each level as it reaches heartbreak, then loneliness, and finally despair? Or is self-punishment the way it goes.

Cycles. When will it end? As they say, we accept the love we believe we deserve. I run and run and trip and fall for the first sign of attention. I harbor it considering another ship will never cross these murky waters again. The self-sabotage finally comes to an end.

You deserve better. I do. Our mind is the greatest punisher as it locks us in self-made prison that would make a Russian cry. The key sits in your holding cell and you are your only way out. Will you take it or will you rot.