To the Friend That I Left Behind:

I am very busy.

Between work, children and school, I do not have time for anything. Yes, I know, I know you've called me more than seven times this week, I see the messages you send me. but I do not have time.

I have no time?

During the day my mind keeps busy. Too busy to remind me if I have time. But at night, when my mind resounds a silence larger than that of an abandoned building. In those moments I can feel the claws of guilt dig deep in the middle of my soul, stealing my breath.

I have no time?

I do not want you to believe that it was something you did or said. In this case, it really was not you, it was me. It was me who did not have time.

But I did have time!

What I did not have was the strength to face the reality that I was only giving you the crumbs of a friendship that deserved more. You deserve more!

Sometimes I hate you. I hate you for making me hate me, but I really did not hate you. I hated myself . Everything was a vicious endless cycle that I could not get out of. By hating you I hated myself; and by hating myself, I understood that I was not being a good friend. That same guilt pushed me to look for things to do to be busy so I could justify that I did not have time.

But if we are being honest, I did have time but I did not have the necessary strength to solve my shit and face life.

I always thought you deserved more, it's just that I did not have anything else to give.