To the Ex That Was Never Mine

Dear Sunshine,

You were never mine. But you played me like you were. You held my hand. You held me when I cried. You made me laugh until I couldn't breathe.

And you broke me.

Three years of being the closest person to me, ever.

And you threw me away like it never happened. I told you that I loved you.

You said it back but it didn't mean the same.

You said I love you like it was just words. It takes a lot for me to say it, because I had never felt it until I met you.

You were my sunshine. You were my world.

But I wasn't even a piece in yours.

It feels like there's a hole in my chest where my heart should be. Now it's a beating organ with billions of pieces trying to survive.

I cried for you.

I screamed for you.

I stayed up endless nights waiting

Hoping

That you would call.

I find myself waking up with tears in my eyes, my arms reaching for someone who isn't there.

It's so much colder without you there next to me.

We were friends. I wanted to be yours and only yours. But you didn't want to be mine.

All the countless hours of talking, laughing, and shitty singing on car trips.

All those nights where you called and you felt like you were falling apart, I was there with you.

When you told me that you didn't want to be mine, I broke.

I needed you, more than I should've.

More than I do.

You were one of the only reasons I wanted to stay alive, but now you're a reason that life isn't worth it.

I still feel that emptiness where my heart used to beat for you.

You were my light in the darkness.

Now there's no way out of it.