To Love After Tearing Your Heart Out

As they cut the arteries in my chest

they broke my heart for the first time,

They cut and stitched and frankensteined my heart together,

And it took me my whole life to recover.

As they gently tore out my heart pieces and moved them with their delicate hands,

Stitched them with their dainty tools,

Pumped them with their inflatable machines

They pushed and pulled and prodded and broke.

As my heart murmurs, and doctors stare in disbelief,

I sit there with a smile on my face, an all-knowing thought of

Broken

Broken-hearted in more way than one,

my pulse the only thing pushing me further.

It beats

In my ears in my toes, everywhere other than in my chest, I can feel it.

And when my heart flutters, it doesn’t just flutter, it spazzes

Irregular heart beats st-st-stuttering through my rib cage,

And as someone who lives with an irregular heartbeat in the first place, It’s scary.

Love feels like I’m dying, every time I see I wonder if it’s my last because

Fuck, you could literally be the death of me,

I mean

When I look at you my pulse jiggles my ears, shakes my fingers

My whole body dances, and it’s cool and all but like it’d be cooler if it could not happen.

I mean look at me I’m standing up here after I’ve died at least once

Please don’t make me die again because

That time I’d die, like really die

and I swear if you kill me I’ll take you with me.