To Bring Back what You Love the Most

To bring back what you love the most. To reach your

Hands into the dirt and take it from its resting place, all

The dust you would brush off of its skin.

I bury my losses in my stomach. I swallow every

Grievance and eat loss whole. It's not enough

Just to lose you. I want to devour you.

To hold everything in your teeth for so long that

It turns into nothing, wet and falling apart against

Your tongue. You can't repay what you owe just by

Looking at it, just by being there. You have to do more

Than just hold it to fix it.

Nothing you bring back to life will ever be the same, cracks

Form in new places and life grows in the space where your

Skull meets the grass. If you lay still for too long, you will

Hear the bugs whisper and feel the ground move.

To be reborn in

All of the places you're used to, like a mountain range

Changing with every rock that falls.

To be able to look at the same person twice without flinching.

I just want all the things I can't have, my stomach twists when

I think about where you're lying under the pavement. To bring

Back what you deserved to have taken away, to get on your

Knees and beg for rain to wash this taste out of your mouth.

All the words you would spit up, all the stories you would

Tell and bile you would choke on,

To bring back what you love the most.

To look at yourself.

To look at anything in the eyes.