Through the Numb

Funny isn't it, how our lives turned out?

Surviving day to day and shrouded with doubt?

I never imagined that you would be so much like HER

from your attitude right down to your looks,

and because you were my sister...

I played the fish that was so damn easy to hook.

I never imagined that this would be us,

that the day would come when you

would only look at me in disgust.

You called your friend 'sister'

and then turn around treat me like crap?

Did you forget that the same person who protected you..

from EVERYTHING was the same one that you chose to slap?!

She called me stupid and all you did was laugh,

knowing that I would have started World War Three

if it was on your behalf.

"I know I am not brilliant but damn..."

Is what she said,

and you laughed as if it was the most humorous thing -

forgetting that for YOU... I have bled.

You made fun of me despite the fact that

you have disabilities too,

are you still taking your medications -

as I cry out for someone up in Heaven to help you

from where I am at in this church pew?

Every word that I say you will forever twist around,

playing the victim that was left to drown.

You send what is left of your Calvary

invitations to your Pity Party,

with tea and scones available -

enticing all to become apart of your army.

You play the victim well

but darling, you don't have the experiences to back it up,

and little does everyone know that while they drink

the watered down tea you served?

There is something much stronger in your cup.

You know exactly what happened

and not an ounce of what I said had anything to do with you,

so excuse me if I don't follow your 'generously given' stage cues.

You don't get to stand there, CHILD, and dictate anything that I do,

so back the hell up and quit acting like your two!

You see when you blocked me on Facebook

you exited from my life altogether,

you reap what you sow in this life

and cannot repair what has now been severed.

I am not going to water down anything anymore for your benefit,

which is what I have been doing all along, I have to admit.

You see love isn't love if it has to be forced,

so this is me allowing your actions to take their course.

You made me numb to you, SWEETHEART

and congrats on that by the way,

that is something our mother

could never achieve - even to this day.

You took my kindness for weakness

and now there is hell to pay,

because now? You pissed off a woman

that would have walked over hot coals...

barefooted

to make sure you were okay.

You knocked my whole world off axis

in what seems to be only in a matter of hours,

and you blocked me solely because

you had nothing left to do at that point but COWER.

You see, my post was all about ME

even if it was directed to you,

how else was I supposed to get your attention

when you would rather ignore what I was saying

until my face was blue?

I was the Pitbull that you backed into a corner -

and then sucker punched in the face,

you got scared because you failed to see the

warning label I told you I had in place.

You said, "Honestly that's crazy"

and woman you hadn't even SEEN crazy yet,

my temper was only a FOUR -

despite what you are willing to bet.

You see, the Irish red hair should have been a dead give away,

don't push a good woman too far -

and expect her to stay around to attend the game

you want to play.

You are your mother's daughter

through and through,

every time when we talked via video camera

I would scarcely recognize this new you.

I looked at all our pictures together -

all of us so happy and strong,

and yet again I find myself asking God

how the hell it quickly went so wrong.

In them we clung to each other with smiles on our lips,

the days that we encouraged each other with

love and motivational tips.

You only wanted me to be proud of you

and for the most part I was,

loving you kindly even if it was "Just because."

Thing is though, I didn't force Angela to stay

and I sure won't do the same for you,

so... wherever you are at?

Know that you allowed yourself to turn into something

that I can no longer relate to.

So when you think about trying to crawl back,

do yourself a favor and DON'T -

after all you do so well

acting like you have been attacked.

This is me working through my emotions

to heal the hole in my heart that your absence now made,

and once again the words that echo in my heart

have come to my souls aid.

You won't read this and I know that for a fact,

because when I sent you the links to the

beautifully constructed poems for you?

You failed to act.

So... darling, get comfortable of that mighty throne of yours

with all your adoring fans to,

the time will come when you will realize how alone you are -

because just like our mother, you have pushed away all

of the family members that have given a damn about you.