Three, Two, One

Three things you see.

I see the failure I have become,

represented in the textbooks

I have failed to open in months.

I see the hopes and dreams

held since I was a child

slowly seem more

and more

out of reach.

I see the disappointment

I have become

represented in the thin smiles

of those surrounding me.

Three things you hear.

I hear the voices in my head

One telling me to give up.

One telling me to not write this poem.

Another telling me there's no point

to any of this.

Three things you feel.

I feel an overwhelming sense of loneliness

that hasn't lifted in months.

I am smothered by the emptiness

that takes up the space

once occupied by my soul.

I am suffocating with the inadequacy

that recently has plagued

my every action.

Two things you see.

I see constant reminders

of all that is bad in the world

and of all the bad that has happened

in my life.

Yet I also see reminders

of why I've chosen to prolong my life,

such as the crisp smell

of Autumn air

or the stars complementing the night sky

that I would miss if I were

to leave.

Two things you hear.

I hear the laughter of my friends

and hold on to the hope

that one day my laughter

will be as genuine

as theirs.

I hear them talk about their plans for the future

and it makes me think

of what I would envision

my future to be like.

Two things I feel.

I feel a slight sense

that my future is not

doomed like I once thought.

I feel the motivation

to change the trajectory

I believed was set in stone.

One thing I see.

I see a slight glimmer of hope.

One thing I hear.

I notice lulls in my negative thoughts

replaced with the whispering

of a voice

telling me to please keep trying.

One thing I feel.

I feel like maybe

just maybe

I will thank myself for staying alive.

And in this moment

that is all I need.