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You were my protector...
My shoulder to cry on...
My best friend...
My favourite person in the world.
I long for the days I would come by for a cup of tea and a chit chat.
Even in the later years where you became a little more sour.
You were my rock.
I sit here alone in a restaurant wishing you were here.
I wish I could call you just to say hi.
When I'm lonely, I think of you.
I think of all the good times we had and how you were always there for me.
What am I supposed to do now when I am in over my head?
All I do is work to pay bills and I still have nothing.
I forget to eat some days.
I am in a fog.
I don't know how to do life anymore.
I had a routine that worked and I don't know how to adjust how that my world has been shaken.
You left me.
I had to go back to work.
I had to move.
I couldn't process much of anything.
I just feel lost.
You were the person I would turn to in times like these.
But I feel I lost you long ago.
When Grandpa passed away, I saw a little piece of you float away.
Heartbroken, yet trying your best not to show it.
You were stronger than I will ever be.
When you got diagnosed, it was hard to explain to you.
I had been the only kind person in your life.
I explained it time after time and you just smiled.
I knew you couldn't remember new things but I understood.
I knew how much you needed kindness and respect.
You deserved the world.
Even when it began to shrink in your mind.
You still managed to make me laugh like no other.
Our dinners or tea dates every week will be missed.
I miss you too much.
All the good memories are comforting; but the reality that you are gone still leaves me rattled.
I have to go on...
Get out of bed...
Go to work...
Fake a smile when I talk to people...
I pretend to be okay.
I have never lost my smile before now.
You were the sunshine in my life that made all the stress melt away.
Packing up your things has been heart wrenching.
All of your favourite things are getting packed away, donated, and sold.
I hold on to whatever I can but the family insists it's all junk.
You loved the little things in life.
The flowers, the birds, the ocean, the sunset.
I wish I could keep every piece of you left behind.
But I have to appreciate life and all these things like you did.
I need to bring light and warmth into other's lives to light my own fire.
I need to keep myself warm somehow.
This coldness in my heart is too much to bear.
I love you, Grandma.
I'll never forget all our good memories and laughs.
I will see you in every sunset.