These Things I Miss...

When I saw your little hand on my big hand today

I remembered that moment, that very special day

when we cherished our time together, just you and I

hours of time we spent and loved until we had to say goodbye.

So much has happened between then and now

your little brother and your new mother

years of holiday and celebrations followed

Joe, missing you hurts like none other!

Sometimes the pain is so great

a pain in my throat, and endless tears, my stomach in a knot

Tears fall down my cheeks, past my mouth and land on my broken heart

I hope you know I miss you every day!

The note you wrote me to help when I miss you

clings to my fridge door and makes me feel blue

With all my might I pray for you that you feel no harm.

When I see you again will you still run to my open arms…

that now hang down empty, useless and lost

without you, my boy, I’m carelessly tossed

to where my tears take over in the dark

and leave scars on my heart, their mark

minutes, hours and days have passed

that will never come back or last.

all those memories that will never be

can’t fill my heart and only hurt me.

While this is sad, the worst is not yet said.

I can barely form the words, it hurts so much

to think you feel any pain that I can’t hug

without you in my life, I wish I were dead

when I saw your little hand on my big hand today

I remembered that moment, that very special day

when we cherished our time together, just you and I

hours of time we spent and loved until we had to say goodbye.

Sweet sweet Zeke, my little boy who’s only four

my last baby there’s no way to explain poor

I’m sorry I let you down, I’m sorry I’m not there

I hate myself for being such a failure

Did I do enough, how far will it carry you?

Are you safe are you sad I don’t have a clue

He hurt me and I tried to protect you

there is no preschool domestic abuse.

Life is not fair it is really hard Zeke

I’m doing my best if I could just hear

your sweet little voice maybe I would cheer

up enough to dry off some of my tears

how do I explain that I can’t see dad

he makes me sick and stole the life I had

the very thought of him makes me red angry mad

I hope you don’t learn his ways, my lad.

Remember the time we had together

days in the garden were so much better

but even then I knew I didn’t have a chance

I knew I would break if I danced this dance

Am I still in your heart, have you forgot?

Do you feel my love please forget me not!

Remember not to hurt the ones you love

When you feel weak, send a prayer above.

The judge’s orders cannot be explained

Nor do you understand a Mother’s pain

No matter what you hear please remember

your loving Mom every November.

Sweet sweet Zeke, my little boy who’s only four

my last baby there’s no way to explain poor

I’m sorry I let you down, I’m sorry I’m not there

I hate myself for being such a failure