There Was a Time I Lost Someone

This is about the death of someone who was very close and dear to me although it's been a few years it still hurts like it happened yesterday.

There was the call to the office that scared me although it was April Fool's Day.

There was the way my parents talked to us as my dad was leaving.

There was the way my dad left the house as he tried to get to papa as fast as possible to make sure he wasn’t alone at the hospital.

There was the sinking feeling as what I was being told sank in and thoughts of the worst crept steadily in my mind. Was she going to be okay? Will she make it?

There was the way we were told that she was going into surgery that gave me hope that her life wasn't over just yet.

There was the wish of more time with her as I held on to that desire of seeing her once more.

There was the agonizing wait for news that came a couple hours later.

There was the sudden realization of complete and utter loss of understanding at what had happened.

There was the way they told us what happened while they tried to protect us from some of the truth.

There was the way they said that she was cleaning the gun when it happened.

There was the salty and steady stream of tears as the shock swept through me.

There was the sensation of being watched as those tears slid down my young face.

There were the pamphlets on the table saying suicide, I didn’t understand why these were here she wouldn't do that.

There was the way I helped to shield the younger ones from this information.

There was the wondering why she would do this to herself when she still had a full life complete with grandchildren she loved dearly.

There was the way my family evaded the topic of my Sassy’s unanticipated death when we were around trying to keep it as lighthearted as you could get in this situation.

There was the bloody carpet they removed and replaced with new carpet to help papa move back into their room where it happened.

There was the way people looked at us when we first stepped into the the the funeral home for the service like they were taking pity on the people she left behind.

There was the way my family cried as the service started and as we saw all of our family and friends gather for the service.

There was the heart-rending speech my father wrote for her that he had spent hours writing so it could be appropriate for this day that should not have occurred so soon.

There was the way they all said she will be missed dearly that tore at my heartstrings as the service ended.

There was the way I returned to school the day after the service so I could take my exams that were down state-wide.

There was the way I couldn’t focus on my test because it felt wrong to be here taking this test as I should have been with my family longer.

There was the way I asked my dad, years later, if she had committed suicide.

There was the way he asked me why I was asking, I told him I saw the pamphlets on the table in the dining room at Papa's’ house.

It was then that he explained what happened and why.

There was the way she was after her last hospital visit that had messed with her mind.

He then went on to say that her demons had finally caught up to her.