There's a Boy in My Closet

There’s a boy in my closet,

Just trying to escape.

His name is Sam.

He’s been there for 17 years, in body and spirit.

His Spirit is now free, but his body?

Well, who knows?

Right now, escaping is the boys’ dream,

But that’s all it is, just a dream.

He’s stuck. We’re stuck. I’m stuck in the closet.

To his family and friends,

Sam is alive and well.

But to me, I’m stuck.

Stuck as a girl,

Stuck on the dizzy carousel called life,

Just hoping to be able to get off in time, and walk in a straight-line home.

Stuck in a world where black is black and white is white,

There is no in between.

You are either a boy or a girl.

And society?

Well, Society is the herd of sheep in the field,

And I am the sheepdog,

Showing them the way to change.

This is an apology,

An apology to the girl buried so far down in the closet called hell,

Never to be found unless someone breaks down the walls I have built around you to keep you from getting bruised and hurt.

This is an apology to the girl who traded place with me.

I was a skeleton in your closet,

Now you are a skeleton in mine.

This is an apology to the girl who will never see her children be born or get married.

This is an apology to the girl whose parents will never cry seeing her walk down the aisle on her wedding day.

This is an apology to you.

To me.

This is an apology to myself.

This is an apology to the girl buried, dead in my head.

It was a mercy killing, I promise.

There was a boy in my closet,

Now that boy has disappeared without a trace,

He is free.

That closet Is now filled with the girl I used to be.

There was a boy in my closet and that boy is me.