The Year

It’s been a year

One whole year

One whole year of this

Horrible nagging

And one thing is clear

It’s not over yet

Not quite yet

One year ago

I was landed a blow

And the blow reappears

Not to say I was over it

Far from

Not to say I was innocent

Far from

Not to say there was lack of

Some healing, some growth

Some revision, some owning of wrongs

Yet here we are

Standing here

Staring in silence

And waiting for someone

To open the gate

And still here we stand

Still we stand

So many words I’ve been

Meaning to tell you

And now gone away

Not to mean I won’t say them

No sir

Not to say this is over

Not quite

Here we are at a standoff

Both hating, both loving

Both wanting to have what we lost

It’s been a year

A year since we lost what we thought we had

Time to recover

To decide what to do with the memories

Time to move on

To leave you behind and get on with my life

And yet here we are

Here you are

The truth is I love you

I never stopped

You’re always inside me

Tucked away in my heart

And I should be stronger

I should be wiser

I should be able

To give you the words

You’re wanting to hear

It’s been a year

A year since you lied and you broke my heart

Time to decide

If I forgive you or not

Time to move on

To leave you behind and get on with my life

And yet here we are

Here you are

I gave you my life

At your request

I gave you my love

Til I had nothing left

You took my life, you took my love

And you threw it back in my face

You thought I was stupid

A child, naive

You thought you were clever

That I couldn’t see

That you were screwing above me while I was asleep

Every time I love, they run

Every time I give, they go away

Every time I choose to open my heart

I become a game that you want to play

Then throw me away

It’s been a year

And in that time, I’ve hardened my heart

One whole year

And I still find myself falling apart

I don’t deserve

To live in the hell I’m in

If forgiveness is divine

Then let me live in sin

I’ve been played too much

To let anyone in

A year’s gone by

And still I can’t win

I love you

I hate you

Get out of my life

Out of my head