The Whispering Demon

I have fought with the pain that lurks, it fills my head with its poison. Even if it flees for a time. I could wake up with a smile on my face and my head clear, but the clouds return. The Whispering Demon returns to its home inside of my head; salty tears falling down my blotchy face. For I am not accepted; viewed differently than I originally thought. Even worse these distorted images live in the eye of my guardian. In the eyes I use to seek for protection, I now flee to avoid pain. I am a broken mirror in the eyes of my Father and slowly in the reflection of myself. I may be a warrior who's not afraid to acknowledge her pain but the demon is a stubborn wall. I don't know how long I can fight with this infection. It's hard to get through when Father leaves the phone silent for months on end. I'm drowning in hate and loss. But, although this fight is difficult I wish to beat the self-doubt. I wish to banish this demon of self hate from its lair forever. Let a new guardian take over to help protect my sanity.

But, still I drown, treading polluted water that floods my brain. My goals they're there, but how do I reach them? How do I defeat this self-hate as it wrecks my life? I am desperate for my guardian , but until they show themselves I am on my own. Can I trust myself to stay stable? I feel the answer form into a no, as my heart pounds. As my hands shake. As my breath becomes raspy and unable to fill my lungs. And as my body quakes The Whispering Demon strikes with its voice. Nothing will change. Happiness will never return. You will remain dead inside forever. It would be easier, maybe I should just let the demon win?

I could let it win. I could give up my fight and take the easy route to freedom. But as I lie in bed ready to give up, my phone goes off, showing The Whispering Demon has spread to the ones I love. The two that are most important in my life. My two best friends, one of those best friends being the love of my life. He's quaking under his covers feeling the demons tight grasp, now is the time to step up and defend. It isn't just about myself anymore. Not just for others. But anyone I can. Give myself reason, making the reason and purpose anything. Even if it were pathetic. I'm still here, that's the important part. I now have a reason to banish the pain, I have others to be healthy for. I wish for the deadly grasp never to latch on to those closest to me. And never shall I let it. The feeling of rejection, the feeling of self-hatred will not settle with me and those I care for. Family. Friends. I will become my own guardian to protect the ones who help me. Till one day, the pain will just be a long distant memory. When wounds finally heal instead of being continuously reopened. And when that lair remains empty for years and years, I will know I have won. It all starts with finding a reason to fight. And I have found mine.