The Wall-to-Wall Is Calling
& I am the girl from Mars.
I have been trying
& trying & trying & trying
& I think, maybe
The difficult lies inside of the try
The push / pull / of it
The claw-marks digging deep /
The muscle twitch / ache / of it
But the try is not corporeal. The try cannot be dragged through the subway tunnels. I cannot pick the try out from under my nail beds after a long day of digging in the dirt.
I do not know how to explain what it is I am after / or if I’m on a path heading toward anything
at all /
But / follow me here, any way /
& let me lead you with this
I have lived in six different apartments since I left my falling home with
the dilapidated house & the birds
that always flew too closely to my scalp.
Today
Today it is mid-December / the ice has turned brown /
&
I have yet to receive a Christmas card / or a greeting of sorts /
but this morning I did come home to four new letters asking to collect
my debt
I am not very good at staying in one place for very long
My weakness lies within the tips of my toes / bad at staying stationary / never very good at sitting still /
&
sometimes when it’s really late
& I’m walking from the train / alone /
I like to pretend that I am no longer just a human / girl / wandering lost through a city /
but I am / instead / an alien /
a lost creature / falling high from beyond the sun / I land /
/ exploring this planet / this body / this whole human form / for the very first time /
(you can’t be bad at something that was never meant for you)
/ and I am not religious / but / I’ve prayed to David Bowie twice this week /
& I am still learning / how to go about this life without burning to convince everyone / that all the parts of me are real /
/ I think / they can’t be so mad if they know the whole of it /
/ & now I’m starting to wonder if maybe I am the birds flying too closely to the scalp /
/ maybe I am the dilapidated house / the letters from debt collectors scattered on the bedroom floor /
/ & I am the brown snow I trudged through to get home this morning / & I am the businessman who made me cry /
/ & I am my dirty bedsheets / & I am the girl from mars /
About the Creator
Alex McKelley
word-girl
brooklyn, ny
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