The Truth: Borderline Personality Disorder

‘Life. What is it?

Is it living? Or is it breathing?

Is it happiness?

Sadness?

Or is it a figment of your imagination?

Are you real?

Dead?

Who are you?

Life. What is it?’

*And repeat...*

Have you ever wondered what life really is. What it is to be ‘alive’? Is this your first time asking yourself that? Or do you ask yourself this daily?

But what is death? You’ve asked yourself that, right. What happens once the world turns to ash? Once darkness captivates your body, holding you in a headlock. So dark you can’t breathe, talk, or see.

What if your world was dead, but you felt alive? Your world was alive, but you felt dead?

What if black was white. And white was black.

Would white be called black and black be called white?

What if there was no black, no white. No colours. Only grey. The sharp, eye piercing, body aching grey.

Borderline Personality Disorder?

Borderline between what and what you may say?

What if that’s exactly it. Borderline. Not borderline between anything but yourself.

It’s the borderline between the many aspects of you, your thoughts, feelings, and life. But what is it?

‘You’re hurting? But you feel nothing at all. Yet everything at once.’

‘You harm to heal. Yet harming only wounds.’

‘You’re lonely, yet have friends.’

‘Pushing away to avoid loneliness. Or pulling close so they can’t leave you.’

‘I love you. I hate you. I do.

But really what I want to say is I really love you.’

‘I’m broke.

How to cope?

Credit card debt.’

‘I can’t lose weight.

I’m angry, let’s eat my fridge empty.’

‘Drugs? The cure to my paranoia and anxiety.’

Ironic? No, Borderline Personality.