The Truth About Fairy Tales
So, dear boy, you wish to be a hero?
So, dear boy, you wish to be a hero?
Well to be a fairy tale prince
there are some things you must know.
First get a sword, of course—
no, a bow will not do.
And only the finest black boots
will perfectly suit you.
Now go to any castle
where a fair maiden resides
jump over the wall, perhaps
with gallant strides.
The best time to appear
is when she sings
of love and dreams
and other princess-like things.
Now maidens, we all know
are never quite safe
but you mustn’t come at once—
no you must come late.
When she’s under a spell
or captive in a tower
and the villain laughs—
yes, this is the hour!
Come with your sword
come on your steed
come proudly, brave prince!
There’s a maiden in need.
There, the dragon sees!
Why do you run?
Come back here, boy,
’til the job’s done!
Glory and fame don’t come by mistake.
So what, if you’ve got a little burn
in the heat of the battle
this is the way you learn.
Fight on, fight hard!
Ahhh, you’ve struck the beast;
so enter the castle
before you’re dragon feast.
Ahhh, there she is;
but wait, she’s awake
she sees you coming,
so sleep she will fake.
Now that she’s “asleep”
and here’s the best part—
kiss her, yes you must—
and win her lovely heart.
The dragon is dead,
now all is well!
You’re a hero, lad
you’ve broken the spell.
But wait—where are you running?
You must marry her first!
Then more adventures will come
just as we rehearsed.
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