The Stars Tell Stories

Daylight floods her room.

She sits, silent, glancing about.

Spotting treasured possessions.

She sipped her now cold tea.

Peering over the rim of her cup.

She spots her collection of

Edna St. Vincent Millay's poetry.

Lying open on her favorite chair.

"Stay far away, leave it there!"

Her brain screamed its warning.

She happily obeyed.

She knew precisely the poem it sat open upon.

No guessing was required.

"Avoid it, we cannot cry another tear."

Her brain made perfect sense. After all,

Her eyes were still swollen and painful.

They needed a break.

"Let's think about painting, writing or calling a friend."

Her brain was giving her sound and

Sensible advice.

She really wanted to

Be sensible too.

Nevertheless,

Her soul had no interest

In what that organ had to say.

It pushed its own agenda.

Memories pour in,

Light trickles really. Tolerable for now.

A memory comes...

She had read tarot cards for them.

This felt necessary at that time.

Control was lacking and hope was scarce.

This had seemed a way to reclaim

Both. Even if it was a facade.

She had gotten very good

At denying the reality of their situation.

"One reading had shown victory, a life for them.

Togetherness in this lifetime. Hope restored!"

"Another showed an early departure, no future,

The illness would take him."

Despite her knowing this illness was not curable,

Despite seeing his body falling apart

She chose to believe in that

Vision of togetherness.

She chose denial.

And after all...

Denial was a far more comforting bedmate.

How could the stars be so divided on this?

"Stars are busy" she reminded herself.

"They shine light across galaxies, they burn

They give their all, then they die noble deaths"

Obviously, stars had more important things to do.

She could forgive them this trespass.

So long as the sun held the sky.

However, Night was a different story.

She lies in an empty bed, falling in and out of sleep.

Night was harder. But had its own advantages.

She could see him...

She willed his presence,

Implored him to make an appearance

In all of her dreams.

Where they could be together,

Where he was happy, healthy, and with her.

They laughed, talked, held each other close.

She tried to hold these moments.

She wanted them to be real, to last, to

Manifest and fix this wrong.

But one cannot hold back the oceans

And dreams cannot last.

They slipped away, details blurred.

She'd wake to her alarm buzzing.

For a moment she has forgotten the situation.

But that is short lived.

Cruel how grief does this.

She cannot hold it back.

She remembers he is gone.

He will not be coming back.

"You must hold back the tears."

"Work is a distraction."

Cursing the stars, the moon

And the sun rising as she

Sits on edge of the bed.

She lets herself feel robbed, betrayed and deceived by the stars.

The stars tell stories.

But stars have never coughed up blood

The stars have never had to watch

As their other half, withered to 85 pounds,

And struggled to catch even a shallow breath.

The stars tell stories, but

How could they be so wrong?

"Stars are busy"

she reminds herself.

"They shine light across galaxies, they burn

Giving their all, and then they die noble deaths."

The sun occupies the sky so,

She can forgive them this trespass.

She's hollow, this won't do.

A change is needed.

"We can no longer go on this way"

She cannot let him go. Don't ask her to brain.

But this time the air is changed.

All of her has come to an agreement.

The Truth is...

"She had personally picked the story they told.

The one she liked best.

She disregarded the other. "

Her heart stings - it's true she wanted to believe

That story. She needed to believe that story.

"Reality hurts, but she must face it.

The dreams never last. He is gone.

She must let him go."

She knows.

Light floods the room

Sunrise is complete

It's time.

She whispers softly, eyes closed tight,

Speaking to him (and herself).

"Damien, I will always miss and love you... Forever, you will always be my greatest love, my best friend, my other half. I will never love another as I loved you. I must let you go. Rest well, my love...goodbye."