The Shivers

The shivers

Are so deep inside

that no scarf, no jacket, no blanket,

no amount of hot air could ever reach them.

Making my soul tremble

And my bones ache.

Making what started as a pinhole,

A shadow on my heart,

begin to become a tear

right down and through

my stomach.

And it continues there,

My heart, beating...

Threatening.

To turn my insides inside out. Threatening.

To rise up.

Squeezing.

Squeezing. Every rib.

Until I feel each one of them Breaking.

Tearing.

Like steel hands around my neck.

Squeezing.

Suffocating.

The feeling in my fingertips is gone. My toes are ice cold

and I'm not sure how

I'm still on my feet.

I can't feel my legs anymore.

And with each beating,

more tearing,

And breaking.

More squeezing.

A new rush of weakness comes over my bones,

Like butterflies

In my belly.

But not the good ones.

And my knees buckle.

And my heart squeezes.

It aches.

And the shivering.

Submerged in the hottest water

my skin will stand.

Trying to reach the shivers.

But it won't.

I look down at my hands and

though I can't feel them anymore,

I see them. Shaking.

Trembling.

And again I feel my heart pull,

Crushing.

My eyes close tight.

Squeezing.

Sickness comes over

My whole body.

And, I wonder how long

A human being can feel

This way

Before dying.

And I can't reach

the shivers.