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Here I am again...
Using words that are quite mean (blunt).
Gasping for my own sanity to come out.
Wondering if my life will ever be my own...
Trapped in my own skin. I just want to be my own person.
It lingers over me, ya know? My own life. The life I want for myself.
The simplicity that is simple yet not.
"If I can do it myself then what are you here for?"
"I can do it all myself so if you're around I shouldn't have to carry a double load."
"You are supposed to be my comfort zone, but you're not..."
No bye, no nothing. They don't even deserve that.
They say it is my childhood trauma that made me this way; or the fact I've been neglected my whole life. They say it is my high functioning anxiety.
They say I am a 'runner.'
I say that I am just an independent girl that knows what she wants and gets everything she wants herself, so why be stuck in a relationship with a person that does not contribute to that?
They play the victim.
They become manipulative.
They become destructive, and try and tear my strength and independence down little by little because they don't have it for themselves.
It becomes toxic; and sometimes, they don't even know their doing it.
So if I'm a runner, then I will run. I will sprint to my finish line alone and happy because I did it, and it is what I want and more.
P.S. For the young women like me, do not be ashamed of your independence. I know they like to make us feel bad for being our own kind, but don't feel any kind of way except powerful and dominant. In a world of damsels in distress, we certainly are not that.