The Places You've Never Been
Not a List, Just a Statement
Am I alone in assuming that Life laughs at us when we try to contemplate an answer to it?
Whenever I do, questions pile up on top of one another and before long I reach a breaking point emotionally.
These breakdowns take me back to childhood (as I've identified it for most of my life).
A powerful and strange darkness awoke within me when I first realized I was mortal.
It occurred to me that one day I (as I've identified myself for most of my life) would cease to exist.
I would scream in horror at night overcome with fear and uncertainty about the end.
Rather often, my father would answer the call and I would yell "I'm afraid of dying!" I would tremble as he went to go grab his Bible.
He would read me encouraging verses and then share some milk and cookies with me.
The idea of heaven and being in the hands of a loving God would warm me up from the inside and calm my rapidly beating heart.
He would even stay up and watch an episode of a cartoon I liked or a Batman episode afterward.
He was a good man, then he left and scarred everyone I love irrevocably in his wake.
Sure enough my anxiety about death would return and plague me for countless years...
This time with no father, cookies, encouragement, or Batman episodes to comfort me.
Eventually, I would gain the courage to release my fear-based grip on the promises of Christianity or any faith for that matter.
The definition I had on life up to that point completely failed to capture my experience.
Here's the point.
To label my (dickhead) father as a bad man because of the deep wounds he inflicted on our entire family would be foolish.
That label would completely fail to capture the impact of the experiences I received as a result of his existence.
Yes, what he did was terrible, but it's not the only thing he did.
It's not even most of what he did. That label doesn't even remotely capture who he was.
It never could. It would consistently fail to capture it, even now... many years later with zero contact.
The labels "heaven" and "hell" seem a bit vague, too, actually.
It's almost like the very framework of existing for the sole purpose of death is just as vague and one dimensional.
Would you summarize your existence as
"life and then death"
Me neither.
In Life, it seems the only choice we have is choice itself.
You can choose to compulsively feed your fear/hate of the unknown for your entire existence...
You can die with the same untouched pile of questions...
... or you can dive in and see what's actually there in the places you've never been.
You can then define your life by your indescribable experiences and give them to those after you the best way you can.
Your call.
As for me, I'll be defining my life by what I experience... not by what I speculate.
I'll be defining my life by the place I've never been.
You're welcome to join me.
Defining Through Experience
About the Creator
its really good to see you
I am Jay.
My goals are to creatively encourage you to cultivate genuine self love and to free your mind.
I invite you to step into genuine tranquility and light.
I offer seeds for the garden of your body, mind, and soul.
I hope you plant them
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