The Nights We Spent Alone

I knock on your front door knowing how bad of an idea this is

fidgeting while I wait

maybe he didn’t hear me and I can just go back I think

then you open the door

you smile

and all my worries wash away

I sit on the bed helping you with your paper

I glance over to see if you’re paying attention to what I say

You’re staring at me, then you catch my eye

There’s that smile again

I look away quickly as if to try and hide how giddy I am

Thank god its dark in here because I can feel my cheeks getting red

You ask if it’s okay to put on some music

Sure, I say expecting some type of pop or rap

“When a Man Loves a Women” plays through the speaker

I smile and laugh a little to myself

You clearly remembered the type of music I like

You sit down next to me a little closer than before

you reach over me and grab the computer

lightly brushing your body up against mine

A slight chill runs through me

You lay down on the bed and motion for me to come closer

I slowly make my way over as if to seem not as eager as I felt

You ask for a massage. Classic.

and of course I happily say yes

I run my hands up and down your back

kneading as I go

Then you turn over and I start massaging your chest

I look up towards your face

There’s that smile again

I couldn’t hide my reaction this time

So you just smile even bigger

You gently pull at my shirt and brush your fingers along my sides as you take it off

You leave one hand on my face and place the other on my waist

Then pull me down on top of you

We talk for a while about life and our futures

You’re continually cracking jokes trying to get me to laugh

and I do

My head rests on on your chest

I can feel you breathing

Your hands ever so gently run up and down my back

Sending chills up my spine

You touch my face and kiss me

Your lips are so soft and warm

You pick me up and turn me over as if I weigh nothing

Your hands lightly and ever so gently slip off my pants

You look at me, smile, and then take me in your arms

And I, I just melt into them as if I was meant to be there all along

I am so nervous I’m shaking

I don’t know why,

I’ve done this before, we have done this before

But tonight was different

It was as if our bodies were one

moving synchronized in time

I kiss your neck, your breath quivers

I feel you pull me closer

With each breath we became something more than what we are

There wasn’t a thought running through my mind

It was an escape from everything

An escape from my own mind and body

You hold me tight but you eventually have to let go

I lay on the bed, body trembling

You kiss my forehead and ask me to stay

I do

I fall asleep in your arms, warm and safe

I wake up with your arms still around me

I turn and see your smiling face

I want to stay but I know I need to go

I slip out of bed without saying a word

What do you say to the man you have somehow fallen for

How can I tell you you’re the one I want when I already have another

In six weeks you’ll be gone

And me? I still be here

picking up the pieces of the mess I’ve made

putting my walls back up

with only the memories of the nights we spent alone