The Night Before Kindergarten

I gave my son a bath,

And let him splash around in the tub.

He picked out a pair of pajama pants with cars on them to wear to bed.

I kissed him goodnight,

And turned out the light.

Tomorrow he starts Kindergarten.

Tomorrow he gets to be a big boy,

And ride the bus by himself.

And tomorrow I will worry,

Like any parent does on the first day of school.

What is my child doing?

Is he safe?

Is he happy?

But unlike other parents,

My son has Autism.

He can't tell me how his first day was.

He can't tell me what he had for lunch,

Or what games they played at school.

I am isolated from other parents,

And the joys of this milestone.

I am isolated from favorite colors and silly songs.

My heart breaks each and every day.

I am thankful my child is alive.

I am thankful I get to watch this amazing boy grow up.

But I will miss hearing his voice.

My son is nonverbal.

I talk to him constantly.

Hoping one day he will reply back.

Hoping to hear the words "I love you mom".

Hoping he knows I won't give up on him,

No matter how hard the struggle.

No matter how frustrated I get.

I am his mom, and I will always be there for him.

Tomorrow he starts Kindergarten.

Tomorrow he gets to be a big boy,

And ride the bus by himself.

And tomorrow I will worry,

Like any parent does on the first day of school.

Only I will cry a little harder,

Knowing his day will be a mystery to me.

The night before kindergarten.

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This poem is featured in the poetry collection "Passing Skeletons."

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