The Most Difficult Promise I've Ever Had to Make // a Spoken Word
“I can’t allow myself to get attached and one day have something happen to you for something so pointless. I need you to promise me or I can just leave right now.”
Each syllable escaping his lips began punching my chest. Well, damn. Feeling pain that I’ve programmed myself for years to withstand.
The emotions unplanned.
I’ve ran and I’ve jumped and I’ve dived head first.
To feel something again, to quench that thirst.
I’ve numbed myself out, self-destruction, my actions perverse.
To feel the ocean freeze my blood, and the danger of alleyways take me away, I’ll go without hesitation.
I’ll flirt with the physical, offering myself up as a donation.
But this… this terrifies me.
My wounds resurfaced as I felt every sharp edge graze over my bare skin.
I felt all of my sadness and darkness within.
I’ve never learned and I’ve never listened.
You would think my mind would be the logical one, telling me to agree with him and quit the nonsense and my heart would be the one to close.
However, it was quite the opposite as my mind reminded me that I always do things alone-
Yet my heart opposed.
As every second passed, I felt him losing hope.
The potential of something amazing, close to being missed.
But the seconds became louder and violent-
It became harder to resist.
He was already halfway out the door, as the light began slowly ceasing to exist,
When everything around me blacked out with brightness,
The pain so heavy as I choked out the words, “I promise.”
About the Creator
Christabelle Contreras
On a continuous journey to remain resilient through every fleeting stage of this gift called life. + faith, dance, gymnastics, well-being, poetry & neuroscience
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