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You told me that I was light and you were the moth
Drawn to my like I’m holding a golden ticket elsewhere.
We just met and you have broken every boundary I put into place
To keep me safely hidden in the confinement of my own mind.
We just met and I have already broken every law written on the
Walls of my skull, words I have repeated to myself over and over
While I sink into the bath water that has already run cold.
My clothes are still on and yet I feel stripped naked
And thrown out into the snow like a man that has been kicked
Out of the bar that he spent 13 years keeping alive by him alone
Buying drink after drink because his wife and kids left him.
There is no warning message displayed above your head
Like a pop up blocker on my laptop when I open a document online.
There is no buzzing noise warning me of impending danger
Like a tornado siren wailing in the middle of town.
No, there was no danger to be seen and I have yet to find
The hidden motive inside you that so many before have had.
I no longer waiting for 2:37 AM to come by and grab my shoulders,
I no longer wait for the chime of the 3 AM bell from the old
Rusted metal hanging hundreds of feet above my head.
No, I listen to the ringing in my ears, a lullaby that I have
Come to love, I listen to my staggered breath calm down,
I listen for the silent relaxation of my jaw into my pillow.
Because I know that in due time, my life will make sense again
I am dying for that time because the mess inside my brain
Has yet to clear and give me clarity that I deserve.
I have spent year after year trying to find the right key
That will open the door and send me through and
I can confidently say that I still have not found that key.
Maybe there isn’t a key, maybe the key is pure determination.
Maybe the key is the silent breath I let out when
My mind finally settles to on the collective notion
That when all is said and done, I will be left to
Settle in the dust because the walls of my Jericho
Have finally fallen and I must reap whatever is
Left of my beloved city and her knowledge that
Has guided many to their righteousness.
I have yet to find my undisturbed body of water
That I may watch for the rest of my days.
But in you, as oversweet as it may sound, I have found
My calm. My still breath that finally leads to the
Dismissal of consciousness. Yet I fight this calm,
For I have felt it before, and the thought of it
Wrapping its chilled fingers around my throat
Does not fascinate me in the least bit.
You called me the light, and yourself the moth, funny
How the creatures we like the least are often what
Guide us to what we need the most in the moment.
You called me the light but I see myself as a
Dimmed light bulb that flickers just enough to catch
Your interest and guide to straight to me so that I may
Die out with company and not alone like many others
Have gone before me. There is not instruction book
That I can follow while embarking on this mission
That I must finish lest my ship be taken by the
Sea and never to be raised again by Davie Jones’ cold,
Deadly hands. Though I wish to raise my past ship,
The cost is far too great and noticeably a hoax.
No, you called me the light and I am flattered to
Be compared to something so pure but you should
Be aware that with light also comes darkness,
And darkness is the absence of light, so it is said,
So it shall be. So you may be the moth if you so
Wish, and I will be your light, guiding your safe
Travels through the night to me.