The Lack Thereof

when i begin

it’s white

it’s clear

i’m able to taste the light

that resides inside

aware enough to feel it breathe and feed on the outside world

as time goes on

the grey sucks up the white

pushing it down

it’s blurred

i do not struggle

i let it take

no longer do i feel the light as i once did

that resided inside

as if something wished it gone

no longer aware of the time that has gone

it’s dark

it’s nonexistent

there is no light

only the lack of

i question

where did the light that once fed on the outside world go?

the answer holds no meaning

the only thing i ache to know

how far will the darkness take my soul

not knowing what time is

the experience of the darkness was just the start

it’s blacker than black

it’s thick

i’m drowning

not putting up a fight

i don’t long to drown

i long to be part of the darkness

not wanting to lose the ability to feel the darkness and it alone

i’m not able to grasp the memory

of the light that once resided inside

nor am i sure if it truly did reside inside

time was in control of everything

now darkness rules

it’s no longer white

grey

black

it’s gone

i robbed myself of the light

now i feel the darkness running through my veins

i once asked how far the darkness would take my soul

i now know the darkness took my soul to the grave

mouth tasting wet soil and blood

ears ringing

eyes seeing none other than darkness in the back of my head

legs and arms alike shaking

no control

i am the darkness

that poisoned the light

that resided inside and thrived

i led myself to the grave

no longer do i

feel

see

touch

hear

taste

my light has gone and so has my place

so here i stay

in my grave

with darkness running through my veins