The Kid I Was Supposed to Be

The kid I was supposed to be has friends over

to play in the backyard of her house at the end of the cul-de-sac.

She shows her friends her room, that she’s lived in since she was born,

decorated perfectly the way she likes it with white decals lining the top

of her light pink coloured walls.

Her mother calls them downstairs for an afterschool snack in the kitchen;

the kitchen where she does her homework while her mom washes dishes, and

where her aunt told her she’d talk to her mom about her first love over ice cream one day.

The kid I was supposed to be worries only about how to do her hair for picture day.

She wonders if the boy she likes will like it better curly or straight,

when she expresses this concern to her mother, she tells her to do whatever she likes better.

She asks her mother to curl it for her and if she can wear some of her lipstick,

the pink sparkly one.

She gets her first job at sixteen, maybe as old as seventeen

to pay for whatever clothes and shoes and makeup she wants at that time,

and her mom still gives her a little extra now and then for being such a hardworking young girl,

the way it is supposed to be.

The kid I was supposed to be is never afraid

to lose the things that are most important to her to something they can’t be saved from.

She will answer the door whenever the cheerful doorbell is rung.

Her and her younger brother can play freely in her front yard

while her mother and father talk at the kitchen table about their day.

She sees a car parked in front of her house and her mother drives right up the driveway

without a second glance at who might be in the driver’s seat

because she has nothing to fear.

The kid I was supposed to be has the perfect home;

happy parents who love each other and their two children more than life itself.

She plays catch with her dad while the dog chases the ball and her brother chases the dog.

Her mother runs, video camera in hand, to capture the moment from their back porch

where annual neighbourhood and family barbeques are held.

Her extended family gathers around their oak dining table every Sunday and holiday

for dinner made by her mother and grandmothers

who tell her how big she’s gotten since the last time they saw her exactly one week prior.

Her dad tucks her in after she tells him about picture day and her playdate.

He reassures her he will always protect her from the only thing she will fear in her young life,

the imaginary monster under her bed.

Inspired by

The Man I was Supposed to be by John Struloeff