The Invisible Assailant

It grips tight around my neck, like merciless hands, watching,

waiting to hear me take my last struggled breath.

Everything is going so fast it's like someone pressed a fast forward button on my life,

everything just a blur in the wind.

The beating in my chest, pounding like a drum-- faster, louder

until the point that I'm sure my heart will come ripping through my skin

and fly away.

A kicking in my stomach, so relentless.

It doubles me over by its repetitive attacks.

This invisible assailant has his voice up in my head,

he's invisible to the world but he whispers in my ear.

Threats, fear, pain, loneliness, emptiness, sadness.

Tears, as hard as they try to come out,

as hard as I try to scream

I choke on the words that are eating away at my brain.

Help me, help me it rattles the walls shaking down through my spine

and out to my fingertips which are forever interlocked with each other

wringing back and forth in a sweaty, terrorized, hopeless mess.

Each day that passes brings a new terror, each night brings no relief as I sit up,

my brain constantly scattering thoughts,

always wide awake, and always tired at the same time.

My eyes won't shut because when they're closed I'm terrorized

by nightmares so dark that

the devil himself would pity me.

But with my eyes open I feel every gut wrenching, heart stopping,

breathtaking ounce of pain that this world has to offer.

They tell me I shouldn't be so worried and that it's all in my head,

but to those people I ask, do you know what it's like to have a problem

that is solely in your head?

It's a transparent enemy that only I know exists

and because of that my pain to the world is invalid—

but my pain is in fact real.

It has me in its grip and I am its slave.