The Happy People

I’m graceless,

Walk around dark and faceless,

Keep my head low,

I wonder when the stranger taking home in my body will go,

When the face in my reflection will show me,

Show someone I’m proud to see,

I sigh and think about the happy people,

The ones who put 2 lumps of sugar in their tea,

The ones who smile happily and will never see,

That I’m wishing that were me,

There’s ghost taking residence in my lungs,

They haunt my thoughts,

Slowly eating my inside away until it rots,

I wonder when it will end,

This feeling is both my greatest foe and my closest friend,

I swallow my pride,

Try to hide,

How much I’m hurting inside,

But I’m coming undone,

This seems to be a battle I haven’t won,

I think of the happy people,

The people who walk around with grace in their heart,

Walk around like the actor who just got a lead part,

Smile on their face like they are going someplace,

When I think of the happy people,

I take out my paintbrush and paint thin line curving over my mouth,

So I won’t have to let the fear out,

Cover my flaws with paint hoping to mask the pain,

Try to make myself feel sane,

I turn myself into the faceless,

Remain nameless,

Wonder when it gets better than this,

I think of the happy people…

I think of how I wish I were one of the happy people