The Genie

40 days, 40 nights

I looked in the mirror

Felt a pawn, saw a king

Turned to song, searchin' for the crown in me

An empty throne that was a thorn in me

lost but ain't gone, so I'll tell you a story

Cuz there's a monster in me

Just begging to come out

I was six drinks deep

And six feet under

Cuz I started to remember

The memories

Mind slippin', so I got on my knees

prayin' lord gimme shelter

never let me falter

I just needed some comfort

In turnin' these losses to victories

And so I plead

Beneath circling vultures

Underneath all my pressures

Feet together, shucklin'

I turned to desperate measures

I said please, my creator, save me from the water

I'm searchin' for peace

heart to the east, a mess

at war with this, that, and the other

I go from corner to corner like Akeva in the Talmud, like Ezra once did

Shoulder to shoulder with this, that, and the other

With an angel and devil on my shoulders

I duck my head hopin' they shoot each other

And the vultures find another

Because I'm at the edge

Of my composure but I told myself

I'd never fold with narrow hands

I pull you closer and you push me further

To the edge once again

Cuz I'm painting perfect pictures but with all the wrong colors. Keep my poems like it's scripture. Twirling paint brushes and pens

I'm questioning my decisions

If any of this makes sense

I tell myself I'm a soldier

And I don't regret it

and this heart is battle tested

But I'll admit words are my only weapon

So I'll attest to and confess to the fact that

I'm so fuckin' numb from the love

I go back to the bottle, back the feelin

Cuz it hurts so fucking much

And then I said enough

I smashed the bottle

And as soon as the smoke cleared a genie appeared

He said I got three wishes

I said I want to stop feelin', stop lovin', stop thinkin'

G-d give me somethin', I said I want for nothin'

Cuz I built walls, you burned bridges

But from the ashes I grew roses

Made peace, made amends

And these rhymes just came by chance

Now it feels like pain is an addiction

Love is a fix and I keep relapsin'

Back to the same situations

Just to see them broken again

And I can't stop, I guess everyone's a drug addict

It's like I'm overdosing on dopamine and oxytocin

I guess it's better than heroine and oxycotin

So I water the roses

Wrote these verses, composed these notes in hopes of knowin' my own hardship

In efforts to understand it

Stolen from this ghost

That's still self loathing, hopin' these roads lead back to all the perfect moments

I'll tell it as it happened

I'm sitting at a table about to turn it

A candle burns at the center

I recollect, reflect

And ask if I'm the whisk or the wax

Perhaps I'm the fire that burns it

Cuz you came into my life

And I've been meltin' ever since

I just hope my reach don't exceed my grasp

And in the end I'm still heartbroken

I reminisce, I recollect

Pick up the pieces make a masterpiece without thinkin'

Cuz I believed in

The fact that one day it would all fit together

like puzzle pieces

But right now I'm screamin'

So I go back to the genie, three wishes, I wish for peace

the lovin', the feelin', a fix

Cuz I said it's an addiction being heartbroken

See if you were to read my poems

You'd think I'm some mad hurtin' depressed

manic depressive maniac

But really I'm just a lyrical genius ruled by his emotions

As Dr. Zaius said it

And I still feel that crown in me

The king in me

So I relapse, I repeat