The Conspiracy that Matters

The featured illustration is a print from some unknown source, dated 1764, and captioned with “man carrying a load is stalked by death, as a skeleton,” attributable to Creative Commons. The conspiracy that matters is what lies beyond the last step we take.

If I go looking for conspiracies,

I will find them,

For they are always and only

Part of one’s own

Process and projection.

If I believe in conspiracies,

It will make me paranoid,

And that implies I am afraid

Of more than what I see

The threat to be.

If I fear for my safety or my life,

I could arm myself,

So that the one

Behind the threat I feel

Is now afraid of me.

And if we live in fear of one another,

It is important to remember

That the mongers of fear

Would have us

Live in fear forever.

Now, constantly wary

Of the others’ claws,

We take our stance,

We hold the ground

And do not cross the lines

Beyond the glares and stares,

And verbal gestures and assaults.

The standoff is as much

A battle as a war.

With gritted teeth

And eyes afire,

With words of hate

And feelings that we

Fashion into cause,

We wait.

We wait, because we are not certain

Of the reason and the rhyme.

We wait while others talk.

With weapons poised or hidden,

We wait and make it known

We will not be the ones

To draw first blood.

This might prevent

The violence for a while …

But is it peace?

I look for peace within myself ...

In my actions and my thoughts,

In the feeling of the moment,

In the space I occupy.

The conspiracy that matters

Waits for me there as well.

I do not seek it out;

It lingers there behind me,

A little to the left.

r. nuñez, 2/2013