I've never been kissed.
Actually, that's a lie
But so were the kisses.
You could pour vinegar down my throat and tell me that's what love tasted like
And I'd probably believe you
Because I don't know the difference between a kiss and a practical joke.
I'd choke
But I'd just smile because I see stars that aren't there.
I am a pretender.
I smear my face with glitter and paint so I can sing about things I don't understand.
I store my manufactured feelings in glass containers on a shelf in my heart.
I'm too smart
To tangle myself in real emotions
But boy am I addicted to the other stuff.
My strength
Is in hiding my fragility
This ability
That I've developed,
Keeping from being touched.
But pretenders have to make contact with each other,
Take down the little bottle labeled "love."
I've done it before, so I know
The chemical isn't potent without a catalyst,
So even though my feet were on a stage when his lips touched mine
It was different.
For the first time, everything I never believed in was holding me in its arms
Kissing my forehead
Spinning me around
And I was goner
The minute he said he wouldn't let me fall.
Now I lie awake and curse us both night after night,
Him for making me believe
And me for letting him.
It was almost like losing a lover,
Except that A) he was never mine
And B) He never left,
I just turned invisible
So I showed him every scar he left on me,
All the pieces he touched,
Turning to red and burning to black.
I wanted to see the reflection of him splintering and cracking in the broken fragments of my own heart.
It hurt. I know it did.
I want to make everything okay,
But how can I when I can't fall asleep without being haunted by how safe I felt in his arms
How cold I feel on my own.
I never used to mind being alone.
Now I can't remember how to breathe.
When you love something, it doesn't change shape to fit your heart,
Your heart grows to make room.
When it's gone, it leaves a big empty space
And all you can hear are the echoes of everything he said that sounded like a promise
I've never been in love
Actually, that's a lie
But so was he.
About the Creator
Camden Wawro
student, artist, LDS, trying my best
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