The Beginning of an End

-

i am fascinated,

in repose,

as my dead soul performs acts of destruction

along pulsing lines of its

fleshy home.

fascinated,

blissfully,

by the crimson eruption

unfolding

across the topography of my skin.

i thought that

maybe

with the precision of a steel blade

i'd come to reveal a mass of

tangled electrical fibres...

that i could tear them

from their orthopaedic bind and

finally

find peace from this

constant

cranial

static.

i am fascinated,

still,

by the

dearth solitude,

the

paucity in trepidation,

the

absolute absence

of anything,

anything at all.

-

I wrote this poem in a dissociated state at a time when my life felt like it was falling apart and I no longer possessed the necessary skills or coping mechanisms to get through each passing moment that I was still breathing.

In the same evening, I sat on the floor by our front door, taking pictures of myself in the mirrored closet doors in hopes that the still-frames would reveal to me some alternate perspective that I could grasp a shred of inspiration from to get through the following 12 hours. Everywhere I searched for motivation to keep going, I came up with nothing.

This was the beginning of the end of many chapters in my life, but at the time, I had absolutely no idea.

Final note: you can find this poem in a collection of others with a similar theme in my upcoming book of poetry titled The Final Toast, set to release September 9, 2019 on Amazon in paperback and e-book formats. Available for pre-order starting July 29, 2019.

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