The Antagonist Part I: Tar

Sometimes, we're not as we imagine ourselves to be.

There can be toxic traits in which we possess but refuse to see.

As much as I want to be good I act in contrast with the way I behave,

And with the way my mind is made.

I lay my head in shame

While in this black tar I bathe.

I’ve let too much of the wrong things in.

I don’t even know how to explain it, or rather where to begin.

I’ve turned anything good for me astray,

Because the darkness said “don’t leave me, I demand you to stay!”

I wear my heart on my sleeve

Waiting for someone to understand me.

Shed blood on these sleeves

Hoping god will come to find me.

I think back to when

I thought it all would end.

The pain the burden...

Left me endlessly hurting.

Do I feel more then I should?

Did I do all that I could?

All these regrets in my heart,

Have me falling apart.

Do they see through the facade?

Can they pierce through the veil?

Does it seem like I'm happy?

Do they know it's not real?

"It gets better! Everything will eventually be good."

But I remain misunderstood.

How can I live with myself,

When all I do is wreck myself?

Poison in my mind

I can't break free of it.

What'll it take?

What if I break?

Is there such thing as change or

is this what’s embedded into my being?

Engulfed in my overcrowded mind.

Fear, anger, hurt and despair are all that reside.

- Sapphire Ortega