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The Alphabet I Know

Do you also see the world the way you feel the world?

By Clara MalaussènePublished 6 years ago 4 min read
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Letters doodle.

A. A name.

I keep him in a pocket of my heart where he can stay warm, but he can’t hurt me. I’ll keep him there until goodbyes become goodnights. He’s special to me and I don’t know why.

B. Bombs.

Cities turned to dust when I looked into your eyes.

C. Clues.

Mom, when I grow up I want to be a writer.

D. Death.

Note to self: never forget last time you bit someone he almost bled to death.

E. Elementary.

If I could repair what’s broken between us with words, I would tell you it’s okay that we are strangers now even if you I let you in so deep you know all of my secrets. But I can’t repair it, and it’s not okay.

F. First love.

I wish I was capable to fix the hurt you carry with you. I wish I was the mother of your child.

G. Gone forever.

Walked so much last time I forgot where I was going and why, and I’m pretty sure that was freedom.

H. Hot summer day.

We watched the sunset from the pier and we all held hands in silence. Friendship can be a form of perfection that way.

I. Innocence.

“Lack of guile or corruption.” It would be nice.

J. Justice.

Do you ever ask yourself why time goes so fast when we are together?

K. Kaleidoscope.

There’s a VHS tape of me at ten years old running up and down a stage of a ballet show I just performed in. The other ballerinas are smiling politely, and they freeze when the public begins to throw candy to us. But I’m running around in my tutu collecting them all, and I'm showered in laughter. I think this is a good story to tell at my funeral. The ballerina kid whom couldn't give a s**t about anything but candy.

L. Lust.

I can’t stop thinking of your hands. If the world ended tomorrow, I’d come find you just to be able to feel your touch again before it all goes away.

M. Mine.

The belonging feeling I get when I listen to a song that I know means something just for me. We are lonely but never alone.

N. No.

I expressed a wish of mercy that was denied various time during my life.

O. Ogre.

I know there’s something inside me that keeps dragging me down if I laugh too loud. I call it the ogre, because it eats me alive in summer when all the other girls sleep pretty and keeps me cold in winter when the fire is on. I call it ogre because it doesn’t exist really, it’s like a fictional character we invented, so we can give a name to the absence of meaning, so we can make our existence slightly more bearable.

P. Phoenix.

I sit for hours watching something that doesn’t exist unfold in front of my eyes, I guess it’s such an extreme daydreaming that I die multiple times and come back to life.

Q. Quaderno (Notebook in Italian).

Everything that isn’t yet covering a white page of a brand new notebook makes my body tingle with life. I can fill it in with everything. I am free.

R. Rot.

When I take a bath as I watch the roof over my head, when I sink in the water knowing I can’t drown there, I feel strangely thankful for everything I have, everyone I met and the life I was given.

S. Scars.

We have met before and we both know it. I don’t know when, in which life and which time, but I feel it didn’t go well for us and we are being given another chance to be with one another, and carry around our scars like expensive paintings to expose one day at some famous museum.

T. Tame.

I’m wild but I’m scared like a lot of other wild creatures. Can you tame me? Can you teach me how to breathe? It's not going to be easy, but I need to let you try.

U. Uncanny.

I always felt compelled to leave, but I started to understand how this works when I looked very hard for reasons to stay. I stay now, but I always think of running again. I’m sorry about that. I also wish it was easier.

V. Vendetta.

One day I’ll be looking at myself and I’ll think: you are so beautiful.

W. Wanton.

My father once asked me on a windy afternoon—how old I was—like I was this strangers who happened to be at the dinner table with him. But the day after he said—make your dream come true—so I forgave him.

X. Xananx.

I’m glad I can keep calm now, just by counting stars.

Y. Y again.

A moment of silence for the person I was who’s long gone now. Sorry I let you lose yourself so much that you never found your way back to me.

Z. Zebra.

You can’t give up on dreams, you can’t give up on love, you can’t give up on life. It’s okay to cry sometimes.

surreal poetry
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About the Creator

Clara Malaussène

I'm interested in human behaviour, imperfection and love. Also I like tuna sandwiches and red neon lights.

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