Ten Things

ONE. I really hate the way you talk, you tell me you love me but all I hear are the sounds of my past sobs

TEN. I miss the way you stroked my blood stained cheeks and kissed my damaged forehead, you always knew just what to do, like you saw right through my skull to my brain and thoughts. Transparency

TWO. I CAN see you, I can see the way you look at me when you're lying. When you're telling me you've changed. Who you are isn't invisible. What you did is not forgotten.

NINE. My favorite colors purple and when I think of purple, I think of how I envision your soul to be bright magenta with a mauve outline. Is magenta pink?

THREE. I sent a picture to Calvin, you know, the one with the big feet? You know what they say about big feet, I'm hoping he's big enough to pierce this emptiness inside me, fill the void, even for a measly 5 mins, the girls call him minute man. Isn't that funny?

EIGHT. I have dreams, of the way you kiss my lips and how it's so sweet and so tender. In my dream we're kissing forever and I'm crying tears of joy because your lips were so warm, almost real.

FOUR. My mother always said boys were like alcohol, fun in the beginning, sickening towards the end. Why do I still feel like this applies? You give me heartburn

SEVEN. Mostly I don't want to die, just crawl in a hole and play our memories on a never-ending loop. But sometimes the pain's just so bad I contemplate ripping open my chest cavity and removing my heart. Instead I just get high. But what's that feeling you get when you lose a leg? Phantom leg syndrome? Well I get phantom heart when I'm not with you.

FIVE. You ruined me, you ruined everything. You ruined my favorite books and my favorite movies, destroyed my favorite songs and food. You ruined them, because now they all remind me of you. And I hate you, but I miss you.

SIX. I miss you and I hate that