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I wish 🎶I could talk to you,
and explain things...
I f*cking wish we never stopped talking because of some half-wit slag, pretending to be your friend. I told you I never liked them...
Some dumb-bitch who tried to steal your shine and absorb your lavish honey vibes, crazy mind, and sparkling soul.
You were a wildflower and a dancing queen to a DETOUR somewhere downtown...
Some hot hazel eyed dude in a lunar lynx, with fangs, is getting tugged by a drunk girl telling him "you can't sit here" while the bouncer descends on the patio, ready with the intention to offer invitations to the exits.
An apple-bottom beauty on stage is dancing with a dude I remembered from high school, but forget his name. Of course, this thirsty dude tries to kiss me and I push his face away...with a sharp side eye, for that sh*t. Peering at him slightly like he briefly lost his damn mind to have tried that and thought that he could have gotten away with it.
And the hot guy comes on stage to take me gently by the arm to tell me
"They f*cking said, I have to leave here..."
I reply, "why...cause you had a beer?"
"I don't know, but I got to go."
I head over to the bathroom for a little herbal delight.
Oscar the Grouch is in the ally way sitting in a lawn chair...
and I drop my phone in the fucking toilette trying to roll a joint.
I wish I could see you laugh at me again...
and tell me just to "put that shit in rice."
Or even to stay over that night, trying to clean up before your mom found out there was a party that weekend ...
(and didn't notice the streamers on the banister when she got back).
Dude, I wish I could be in the car with the dude from that day we first met...
you know...from Detour, who's now still our best friend?
Smoking joints, talking shit and laughing to no end.
F*ck I wish we could break up more fights with you and your crazy f*cking ex because I miss the jokes and the epicness.
I wish I could watch a scary movie with you.
Remember? I curled up that time in Ky's lap screaming my head off...
I wish I could crash the next day cause I hate going home...
because hanging with you, was like a sheer vacation and luxury on its own.
For real, babe...I disliked when you were a bitch...but, happy the gods gave you, or me, that time to enjoy what dream we could before you slept forever with the angels. Flew away to bless a beautiful baby, also there... laid to rest beyond the golden gates.
Pure bliss, forever to impart an impression...
while my heart still aches.
A wildfire that's burned a beautiful hole in my heart.
I'll never grief another day or hate myself because I let a feud and snake-like siren, tear our friendship apart. That fake, succubus, parasite, fed the bubbling boil in the night, sneaked and plotted mercilessly to rob you of your light.
I know, I need to let it go, but...fuck... I need to let you know... the demon that is their existence for what they did to our bond.
And take you from yourself and separate you from your youth... a lie disguised as truth, which robbed me of my chance to say I loved you before you parted for the great beyond.
I'll say my piece anyway even though you can't hear for yourself.
I'll do my best to be his friend.
He mourns you every day.
A rich man who's lost his house.
Like a Rockefeller who's lost his wealth...
Honestly, it's sad to see him this way.
And even though we all pretend like we're ok...
and front like you're around...we can feel that you're not here.
And to be honest, I swear that the feeling sucks more each passing year.
But I am sorry. I'm far from perfect...none of us are.
But I hoped you'd someday be my bridesmaid
Watch me walk to meet my future spouse down the aisle...
whatever I love you, wherever you are.
No more Mocha Madness.
"I swear to God she looks like that chick in Y and R!"
No more talking about our man/woman problems
or witty Facebook raunchy chats for hours.
Man...I don't know, sometimes it's like a really bad nightmare
and no matter what you do...you can't wake up. Can't let go.
Sometimes it's like...I just saw you yesterday.
And sometimes...I still feel my stomach's in knots.
Like it's the day I got that news...
and ever since, I been crying on the inside like a winner, trying not to show my constant blues.
I kind of hate you for leaving me here.
For not giving me a chance to say,
"this shit's stupid why haven't we talked in a year?"
And now I'll never get that chance again.
I'm angry because now all I have is a fucking poem to say how I feel
to whisper my words into the winds...hoping the atoms will hear.
Why without warning?
Does god find this shit funny, leaving the peeps who loved you in mourning?
On their hands and knees, scrambling at the broken pieces of themselves scattered about the ground.
Blowing in the breeze.
F*ck it... we always got memories.
We can find them in our lost and found.
We got our dreams.
And somewhere out there in the clouds, the sky's got ears and maybe once
I've said my piece...maybe this peace may find you.
Maybe when the time is right...
we might rap face to face too.
But until then...
let's just call it what it is.
This was the hardest piece I ever had to write... I cried through the whole thing.