Survivor

Survivor. One who survives. To exist in spite of adversity. Misfortune. Struggle. The troubles I have faced are not unlike those of others. However, they are underived and authentic enough to call my own. They are mine, but they are not me. They've helped shape me, not define me.

Names. Names were being thrown in my direction and they were not positive. I ignored the negative output because those words were coming from my friends. I would go home and replay the words in my head until the sounds of a broken record broke through my brain and shattered my heart. Taking the beat down of those words, after a lifetime of hearing them, I tossed them aside, got up, and left.

Unlike before, now my fears are irrational. Yet the word I define by, survivor, drives me to overcome those fears with a burst of courage. For those who swim below the waterline, waiting to jump out and catch me off guard; those I cannot see have the power to control my actions, and the thought of them prevents me from jumping in. But if someone says the word, I have to do whatever I was afraid to do, and I have to do it before the count of three. If I don't, the word survivor is not suitable for me anymore.

I am a survivor of not only others’ terrible actions, but also my own irrationality. I would like to continue viewing myself as a survivor, taking fears and challenges and not only attempting them, but conquering them. Survivor, a word that is not mine, but is me.