Subliminal Undoing

I've been painfully awake for a while now,

But the beautiful dream is still intact in my memories.

So much so, that to have woken up at all feels like a loss.

I could've died happy thinking the reverie was true...

But it was so surreal that I should've known better...

There was a witch's familiar whispering in my ears and I was caught unaware.

Against my own sense, I threw my heart into a dream...

In reality,

I took off all of my armor and amulets...

I smeared all of the protective symbols that I drew on myself...

Made vulnerable to all forms of harm waiting in the depths of my unconscious,

I foolishly gave value to something that wasn't there while I was blinded by bliss, and Naivety left me in the middle of a horde of demons after ripping out my eyes.

The creatures tore me apart and I felt all of the slow, messy process.

Flesh being ripped and bitten into by rotting teeth...

Gnarled hands crushing and grinding my bones...

Viscera pulled out of my torso one by one and shoved down my throat...

I even felt myself get castrated with a rusted blade.

Conjurer that I am,

I remade myself.

But, I still know the pain and I have to summon spirits to help me cope with the trauma of being woken up so violently and missing the idea of a heart.

They're not the most gentle associates, but they do make their points...

They tell me over and over how the whole ordeal is entirely my fault.

And they're right...

I ran naked into a black chasm chasing an ignis fatuus,

Only to have my heart devoured by black things of my own creation when it disappeared.

I destroyed myself...

But, I'll eventually be able to replace the heart torn away because of a dream and make myself whole.

Then, I'll never tear down my own walls for a false concept again.