Story of Love: The Battle Within

When friendships and relationships became too hard to handle, I encased my heart in ice. And as the days went by, it went from mere ice to mountains and glaciers; and thus, I obtained a frozen fortress in the middle of a deserted tundra, where the only thing you can hear are the broken whispers of the wind; and as I watched those same winds carry away my faith in love, I spotted you in the distance.

Now let me state my disclaimer, because men let their egos take credit for things they shouldn’t: You did not save me; you helped me thaw out. But understand, upon your arrival I was already thawing out from the inside as I recognized my self-worth, sought out my confidence and realized I don’t need a man for either of those. I simply had to answer the question “what do I bring to the table?” I finally realized the answer was me, and if that was not good enough for you, you can take your sun and go back to where you came because the moon’s array is just enough for me. I am a queen, and you should still take pride in the fact that I just want you here. And no, I am not impressed that you have walked the thousand miles to get to my frozen fortress; there are plenty boys out there who would do all of that just to enter their no-goods into this temple. What caught my attention was once you arrived, you saw what I had already thawed out, that I still had some ways to go, and you chose to stay and help in places I allowed you to. You didn’t see my fortress and label me as the angry black woman… You saw it was a beautiful pain. You were willing to step on sleek ice and under icicles bigger than that ego of yours to do so. And as I thawed, my fortress shook and overflowed like a celebratory bottle of champagne. My riverbeds were overwhelmed and burst, causing the water to wash out the negativity in my life, such as self-doubt, self-hate and the lack of motivation to do better for myself. And it helped me realize that I could never expect anyone to love me if I don’t respect myself. So here I am. And here you are. After all of that, waterfalls smacked down against new rivers of my emotions of joy and fear. Happy that I found myself, but afraid that I let you in, wondering if I had to pay a price for allowing you to help me get here. Thinking to myself “what motive is he hiding behind?” Based on previous experiences, you have to have one. But then, I saw it. Your focus. Still attempting to embrace me, you were delicately attempting to untie the web of my love, of my fear, of my hesitation, knowing if you broke it you would have to walk the thousand miles away from my oasis. And your actions were simply ones I could not… did not want to walk away from

Welcome to my kingdom