Still I Will Rise

Your affection swallowed me.

It swallowed me like a wave swallows the sunshine on a breezy Sunday afternoon.

Over and over again without ceasing I was engulfed by your compliments.

Like clockwork the force of your devotion overtook me until I couldn't breathe under the weight of your care.

And don't get me wrong, I loved it. I relished in it. Submersed myself in it until it was all that I knew.

But that was the problem. I knew nothing else. I knew nothing outside of the fragile life we'd built.

Our togetherness gave me a false sense of love.

It made me think that you were all I had and could ever have. And I didn't want anything else. I didn't know there was anything else to have. You were the greatest thing I'd ever know and I couldn't imagine my world without you in it.

But then you left.

The weight of your betrayal crashed over me like a forest fire does acres of wheat. Fast and unrelenting your lies burned through my thoughts until I couldn't think of anything else.

The promise of our forever whisked away.

And in its wake are ashes of memories that haunt my subconscious until tears rain down my face in a pouring fashion.

These tears soak everything they touch. Filled with the repressed emotions of our departure they coat everything in my small bedroom.

I sift through pictures of our time together.

The time I laughed so hard I cried and you said my laugh was better than even your favorite soundtrack.

The time we drank wine and watched Netflix for hours without looking up.

When I was sick and you waited on me hand and foot.

These memories flash to the surface and I can't help but laugh.

You made my life pretty happy. And I'd like to think I did the same to yours.

For now though, I must move on.

Find happiness in myself.

Like the sun, I will still shine despite your waves continuing to cover the bright yellow flame of my existence.

I will sweep up the ashes of your forest fire and keep them in remembrance. Reminding myself that fire may take everything in its wake, but nature always seems to recreate something stronger from its ashes.