Spiraling

Spiraling, spiraling out of control, taking on a life of their own. My emotions have more of a life than I it seems. Lost in fantasy and dreams, for reality is so harsh and cruel, with unbending rules that confound.

Up and down they go, not grounded, unfounded, clinging to the meaning they give to the story they live, taking me along for the ride. Waves of them crashing down around me, cutting through me, drowning and heavy they weigh; though I wish them not to stay. Numb would be preferred.

Fully aware of their power, what it brings, the energy they invite. I try to fight. They are so strong, been in charge too long, unwilling to hand over control. Suffering burdens they are to carry, if only I could let them go. If only I could break free of them.

Joy a faded memory with tattered edges. Hope a jagged blade that rips the heart. Why hope at all when it leads to more pain, more suffering. And yet it persists as a canker, persists as an accomplice to bring more agony.

Eyes run dry from waterfalls of tears. The heart aches so severely that knees give out and down to the floor I go. Wailing and moaning, wishing for relief, begging for respite. No solace to be found, no sanctuary from the torment.