Sometimes...

Sometimes I wish I could walk onto a bridge and just stare down at the water. But I can’t because I know I’d want the water and I to meet. And sometimes, first impressions aren’t my forte.

Sometimes I wish I could stare into the embers of a fire and understand the ghosts that leave the flames. But I can’t, because sometimes those ghosts are me, and I’m floating up into the night sky.

Sometimes I wish I could dig my fingers into the earth below me. But I can’t because I know if I did I would end up six feet down with no room to breathe.

Sometimes, I feel these things and I want to act but I never do because I’m scared of the outcome. I’m scared of the messy aftermath. I’m scared of the tombstone above my casket and the words that would be written.

But mostly I’m just scared.

To be alive.