Something Taken but Not Given

For years you try, to comprehend the man behind that twisted hand.

That hand who tainted your innocence when you weren't old enough to understand.

The hand that made you hate yourself, for feeling something your little body knew nothing of beforehand.

When it happens, you don't know that it's wrong at the time.

When it happens, you don't know you will have to fight for years to come to erase that touch from your mind.

When it happens, you don't realise the deep cut of the invisible scar it leaves behind.

You try to forgive so that the guilt and hate eating at your insides doesn't go on to devour your soul.

You try to forgive so that in the future, your past doesn't swallow you whole.

Unfortunately, the consequences of shame are sincerely untold.

Fore that hand took away what was rightfully yours,

And robbed you of the choice to give it away on your own.

And it's hard to give such a thing a voice.

But you have to live with it, despite it all.

In that, there is no simple choice.

Despite the shame, despite the pain,

You cannot allow yourself to fall.

Because if you do then the hand has won.

When all your life you have fought to undo what he has done.

But there is no undoing of that tainted time.

You have to carry on, if not you just die.

And tired as you may be of carrying this weight,

you can't let him rob you of what could be a wonderful fate.

Because it is not that twisted hand that you hate,

But it is you, yourself that you blame.

You blame yourself for feeling what your body did not know was wrong at the time.

You blame yourself for feeling arousal and desire when you were too young to know what it meant to your mind.

You blame yourself and no-one else, and that's what hurts the most.

That's what makes you feel like you're living in the body of an unknown host.

What he's taken from you cannot be told. It's that trust in yourself you relied on the most.

And that inner most part of yourself, the one that has been betrayed, it's the one you long to regain.

But the process is hard and long. And you have to travel over rough terrain.

But you owe it to yourself to strain to erase that pain.

Because after all, it is he who did wrong,

Yet it is you who has to pay the price.

And it is one you end up paying,

For the rest of your life.