Solace Within Chaos

The chaotic war that none of my surrounding peers or family could see or hear. Nor could I escape it, it followed me as if it was chained to wrist only offering me melancholy and fear.

Therapists told me the problem was medical, doctors told me it was a problem happening mentally. Not being able to find a cure, the contemplation of life and consideration of death were becoming more aggressive as anxiety happened frequently.

On March 5, at 12:25 AM I escaped my chaos within chaos. I was repelled from my melancholy surrealism by the disarray and realism of the stormy beach’s seance.

Hearing the waves roar like lions on a savanna, Feeling the brisk wind make the water hit my face as if they were little daggers; I could faintly see the separation between the black blanket of clouds and black waves.

I placed my damp sweater on the sand and began to lie down so I could look at the starless sky, my head so close to the shoreline, the water touched the ends of my hairs.

Some may think I’m crazy for finding solace in the scenery but in my mind I was in the right spot away from the danger of mother nature’s threat; It was my decision if I wanted to move or stay near the danger.

At this moment I came to the realization that I had the power to fight this corrupt mentality and keep it at bay. At this moment I signed a peace treaty with depression.

-tjbl