So Damn Tired

I'm fine, just tired is all.

That's what I tell people when they ask how I am as I force that stupid smile on my face.

Let's face it, they don't care. They're just being polite.

I'm fucking tired dammit. Tired of not wanting to get out of bed in the cold mornings of the winter.

I'm tired because just when I think I'm getting better

just when I think I'm finally dragging my self out of the bottomless pit of my damn depression it sucks me back in with such ease even as I try to fight. I'm tired of fighting, I am so fucking tired of literally forcing myself to sleep because I have to be up in three hours for school.

I'm so fucking sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Don't you get it yet?

I'm tired of being mentally, physically, and emotionally drained from doing day to day things like talking to someone or being on a bus full of strangers, or just being outside...

I'm tired of feeling numb and yet I can't push myself to do anything to make me feel alive.

Tired of crying for no reason at night, or crying whenever I look in the mirror and I see me.

Tired of being disgusted by my own body, tired of the stretch marks, the fat torso, the flabby arms, the chubby hands and face.

Tired of the voices in my head dragging me back down on days that I am genuinely trying to be better.

I think I just need to sleep it all away for a while...