Sleepless

My surroundings are silent but the buzzing fan.

It drowns out my sobs as I drown in them.

Like a steady drain, the tears do fall.

And speaking of which, I am drained.

My physical, emotional, mental state.

I am still, yet I feel I can't stop moving.

My thoughts are ramped.

I scream internally.

For that is where the bruising is.

Maybe if I bled, the illness would release,

And I would be free from sorrow.

The pain never ends, it barely fades sometimes.

It plays games like the devil,

One moment, I feel fine.

And next, the fire is lit.

I can't make friends.

I have no room.

You fill the space from wall to wall.

I put them there to keep you out,

But somehow now you're trapped inside.

The light seems dark most of the time,

The others, it blinds me.

I'm feverish inside, but don't dare go outdoors.

How did you manage to let them slam?

They do, you know.

Constantly.

In my heart, head, stomach, throat.

I never stop hurting.

My breaths will never be the same.

I got so used to extra oxygen,

Now everything is heavy and the air is thick.

I can't see through the fog of the condensed rain.

Rain? Practically.

With every blink it's a moment less of my life.

Or so it seems that way.

I try to sleep to keep it all away,

you can only keep your eyes closed for so long.

A smile? What's that? Something foreign.

Am I in a different country?

No. Different state,

remember?

What lies are true, and what truth is a lie?

I deserve to know.

You can't keep me quiet forever.

Someday I'll escape the facade you let me live.

For now I do so in misery, not sure which way is up.

I hold my breath and bite my tongue.

The running water subsides.

I no longer hear the buzzing fan.

Does that mean my heart has stopped?