Sick

My mind's so sick

Of the thoughts it locks away.

The beating of my heart,

It sickens me

As it reminds me that I'm alive.

It's racing fast

And my head is spinning.

I'm seeing red,

Anger.

I'm seeing blue,

Sadness.

My body's so sick

Of the soul-crushing sobs

As I scream out

In the middle of the night.

Breathtaking,

Earth-shattering,

Silent screams.

The trembles that stifle it

The cold I can't shake

The scars that won't heal

The memories I make.

It's all too real

And yet

Not real at all.

Shit's so crazy,

I see nothing in front of me

But the world spiraling down.

I'm so broken.

How do I fix it?

So tired of trying,

I feel like dying.

Sometimes it feels like a nightmare,

Just a horrible dream

That I can't shake,

Not even when I'm asleep.

It's addictive

And I want to be fixed

But I'd rather feel pain

Than nothing at all.

The sharp point

Of my silver friend

The veins in my wrist

Where it begins to slip.

A representation of my mind

My heart

On my sleeve.

The crimson red

The warm thickness

That soon turns cold

As the air hits it.

As I watch it trickle

I feel the burn

Of my silver friend.

The emotional damage people have done

Now a perfect engraving

For all to see.

Does this make me sick,

Or can this be justified?

You see how people react

When they see

The scars on our sleeves

Unless they do it too.

You're playing with fire,

Your ultimate desire.

Letting the flame flick at your perfectly damaged skin

Snapping and popping

As the fluids leave your body

Expelled on the tile floor in front of you

As your vision fades to black.

Your body turns cold

As your blood boils

From the heat of the flame.

Flicking at your wrists,

It's driving you insane.

You feel the endorphins rush through you,

And as your hands slowly open,

You hear the blade and lighter fall.

But just before your spirit leaves,

You take that last bottle of pills,

Right before you lose it all.