Sensitivity

I often think to myself I am happy with what I've become or what I am

If I could be anywhere...it would be far from society

Without judgement, complaints, the day to day routines and just me

I feel as though I'm not myself anymore

I feel unattractive, and more depressed than I was as a child

Today I've come to realize I am still that child hiding behind my fears and insecurities

I know many may believe that I am just in my own thoughts...but how can I when I desire for everyone to be fond of me, want me, and love me

I can't smile as though I am happy...I'm not

I have a permanent scar that no one sees thoughts that no one should hear

I look for a flaw in myself, every single time I make a mistake, get attached to someone or think negatively

I think to myself who can bare to be with me when I'm repulsed with myself

I don't want to have children because I can barely take care of myself mentally

Would the pressure be too much

I don't want to be married because I don't want to end up like my mother...unhappy and unwanted with my life

Today is the day I cry and look at myself...and wonder who are you..what are you.