Sex is a weapon
and my body is a war
I try to tell you I don’t want this in as many ways as I know how
It’s not enough
I search the ground
I search in silence
You say you’re reaching for my hand but you settle for my neck
I give up, I'm waiting, I count the leaves, I watch the windows.
I get up when it’s over and I walk myself home
Despite your voice
You are getting in a car and you’re driving beside my footsteps
You are kind
but I remember you are crude
And then you’re gone.
It’s ten years later, I feel nothing, I am angry, I’m annoyed.
I’m counting leaves, I’m watching windows, I’m looking at your face on a phone and I am searching for the answer to a question I never had the guts to ask,
I’m giving up, I’m still here waiting, I am always getting up and I am walking myself home.
I’m taking deep breaths
I’m doing better, I remember that not every face is yours. I am learning to forget that I can only trust myself.
I’m finding time.
Not to forgive, but maybe just to feel the pain a little.
Just enough to stop wondering if I dreamt it, or can we call it what it is?
I never call it what it is.
I’m doing better, but my pride is doing its best and my mind wants to pretend you don’t afffect me but you do, sex is a weapon.
And my body is a war.
About the Creator
Julianna Sorrensen
“I’ve been to the bottom and I ain’t goin back”
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